Camaraderie

I was standing in line at Starbucks, listening to two men in front of me order coffees. One of the guys was clearly more vocal than the other and fancied himself bffs with the barista making his coffee. I heard a couple of Arabic words thrown in here and there, but the man was clearly not Arab. I just shifted my weight to my other leg and thought, "Hurry, I would like to order my caramel macchiato please! Finally, the men moved away to the pick up station and I moved to order, asking my sister what she wanted. Upon ordering, the quieter man turned around and said, "Americans?"To which I always pause and think, umm am I? I think I forced out a meek, "yes, " at the same time hoping that those nearby did not hear that really loud question by that really loud American. Then the man responded with, "Great! Chicago area." To which I think I was to take the cue and respond with my area..."ummm New York." Then he holds up his Starbucks cup in a "cheers!" motion and mentions to his friend that he needs milk for his coffee. His friend precedes to lecture him that he needed to order it with his coffee (Jordan Starbucks rookie mistake) and comes up with some random Arabic word for milk. Again my thoughts are hoping that those around have not associated me with Mr. Chicago area and Mr. I don't know the right word for milk.

It happened again earlier that month. I had just gotten on a bus finishing with the Jordanian border patrol, so naturally had my passport out. The lady across from me held up her passport and said "American?" Again, that question. To which I responded a meek, "yes..." I mean I'm holding my blue book, I can't really deny it. Then she asked me if I was in some random exchange program, to which I replied a flat no and cut the convo off. Hoping again that those nearby didn't hear the loud American ask the loud question. I mean what was she expecting? A, "Yay! Matching passports!" cheer? um. no.

So again, today a man hearing my friends and I speaking with one another asks, "American?" What is with that question?! To which of course we responded, "yes.." Then a girl introduced herself from New Jersey. Not only are you American, but you are from Jersey? Yikes. Is there any hope for you?

But seriously. I have nothing against America, I mean I am American. But I've struggled with this camaraderie that Americans seem to want to have upon finding another person from their soil. Maybe it is because they usually do it in that loud, abrasive American way that brings the attention of the whole room and we all know I HATE being the center of attention. Maybe it stems from never truly considering America to be my home, living there only half my life. Maybe it stems from childhood when people used to think that because I was blond haired, blue-eyed, and had a blue passport I was excited to return "home' to America even though I had only lived there a grand total of 2 years. Maybe some of it is the fact that after being in a country so long, I forget that I still look different, speak different, and still will always be foreign.

Ah. yep, that fact will forever plague my life. I will always be foreign.