Restless

So I haven't finished part II of my last blog, but its been a week and half and I just have not felt compelled to sit down and write it..its floating in my head so maybe I'll do it soon. But for now....

I'm feeling restless...2 years ago this week I was on a plane via Swiss Air to go live and study in Jerusalem, Israel. I have traveled and seen a lot, but those 3 1/2 months truly changed my life forever...much more than any other experience in my life. The war with Lebanon was supposedly on a cease fire...everyone I talked to had a relative living there(I was living in NY at the time), or thought I was completely insane because I might get killed in the war(safest city in that whole region is Jerusalem..really)...but I got on that plane because I knew it was where I was supposed to be...I knew its where God wanted me. 2 years ago this week I arrived in a city that is unlike any other. The 3 monotheistic religions that claim it as their holy city, the spiritual and cultural tensions of thousands of years of fighting...it was by far the hardest place I have ever lived. One second I'd be on a bus with Arab music ringing in my ear, the next I'm flashing my blue passport at an Israeli guard in order to enter a third world country(Israel is not one!) with dusty dirty streets with the feel of oppression heavy on my heart. One minute I'd be walking these dirty streets, the next I'd be going through the sterile security building in order to get back on a bus and ride by the wealth and privilege of a whole other people group. One minute I'd be hearing the call to prayer, the next I'd be standing at the Wailing wall, my heart crying for every lost Jew who thinks they are now closer to God by touching that wall. One minute I'd be haggling taxi prices in Arabic, the next I'd be listening to the harsh sounds of "s'leexa" as a young Jewish girl would push by me.....

Not only did I find one of my best friends in Jerusalem, but I found my heart, my love for a language, a people group, a cause to fight against, a purpose.....

.....and so I'm restless...I want to get on a plane and live in my element again. To live and breathe the international city life of culture clashes and spiritual tensions. These last couple of days I've been struggling. It's easy to think I'm making a difference when I'm in the middle of poverty, oppression, and the lost people that my heart loves so much. Its sometimes hard to find that sense of purpose here...to believe that I am making a difference..even in suburb America....and so I'm restless.....