…will reap in joyful shouting.
This psalm was brought up the other day and I thought how fitting for where I live right now. Then listening to Kristene Mueller, there it was again. It’s hard not to be broken in this place, broken for the women, for the people, for this country. This place breaks you in more ways than one.
The last couple of days have been difficult. I’ve put off writing this blog, wanting to write, but not sure what I should write.
The fact that I am a female has never been more apparent than it has in this last month. Having to move out of the way for males walking down the sidewalk or get run over. Being shouted at, hissed at, yelled at, and constantly stared at. I’m used to traveling, I’m used to being the tall white woman on the street, but this has been different. Having my change slammed down on the counter because a man can’t hand me, a woman, anything. Not being able to do something simply because I am a woman. These are things that my crazy independent self has had a hard time swallowing. It’s just taking some time to find the balance. The balance of who the Lord has made me to be and gifted me to be and the things that this new culture requires of me.
But I find my outlets. My class is amazing, and I realize that inside those four walls I can be 100% the woman I know I am. My women students are amazing; to walk into a room, be greeted with a kiss and the look of joy in their eyes upon seeing me. To sit on the couch after class and just talk for hours, that is my joy. An amazing support system of friends and people who have experienced what I’m going through. Friends who know what the trials of being female in this culture are like. I will not pretend it’s easy, but I will not wallow in the difficulties. The Lord has made me strong, sometimes too strong I think, but maybe it was for this time. I know 100% that I am where I am supposed to be, and with that comes grace.
Any words of encouragement are welcomed with open arms and heart. In fact they are read over and over, and keep me going on days when the whys of being a woman and being here set in.
Pslam 126
1 When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6 He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
1 comment:
You are AMAZING, and I love how real this post is. You are such a wonderful witness for these women, and I know you are going to make a difference in so many lives! I loved seeing the pictures of the center -- it really put things into perspective.
Be incredible! :)
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