Jehovah-Rophe

(Yes, this is long, but the story is good, so you should read it)

Last week at the women's retreat we talked about the different names for God. We were asked which ones stuck out to us and which ones we have a hard time with. Jehovah Rophe-God my Healer-has always been a hard one for me. I've been prayed for many times for different things and nothing ever miraculous or changing has ever happened. Last week I told my story for life group and was struck with the pattern of physical issues that have arisen throughout my life. Issues that have forced me to go deeper into the heart of God, but issues that have also left me struggling with where God was in those moments.

So this week I went to the Kingdom Power Conference at Risen King. It was about bringing back the supernatural into the C&MA(the denomination my church is and the organization I will be going to the Middle East with). So glad I got to go as I'm trying to soak up as much as I can before I leave. Monday night Bill Johnson spoke and then had us pray for each other. Then he started calling out specific illnesses and physical injuries and having people raise their hands so people could pray. Sarcastically in my head I was saying, " well, I have like 5 things seriously wrong, what are the odds of you picking one". So I was just standing there not even listening to him when he says, "Right hip, fused bone, not up here, but its something with the joint" to which in my head I say, "Seriously?" and raise my hand reluctantly.

I just have to say though, its not that I don't believe in healing. I completely believe in it, have seen it happen, and believe it for other people. But for myself, its difficult. In the last couple of years, I've taken myself off the emotional roller coaster of getting prayed for. Getting prayer, believing the Lord is going to heal, and nothing happens. After multiple times, it just gets exhausting.

But the Lord was calling me out with this, so I figured, ok lets ride this wave. So people around me started praying and when they were done, I wasn't sure anything had really happened. At this time Bill brought his prayer team up to the front if anyone needed more specific prayer for healing. To which my dear friend Holly said, "Sarah you need to go get more prayer. We prayed, nothing happened, but God cares. He wants to heal you". She pointed to a woman who was free and I just sat there really hesistant.

Again, I have to say, I will go up and get prayer for anything. You can never get too much prayer, but going up to receive prayer for healing is downright scary. So Holly said she'd go with me, and we walked up to a free woman, who upon hearing my story, said she knew she was supposed to pray for a hip tonight.

When I was 12 my hip separated-had a couple of surgeries to screw it back together-and now have one leg that is 3/4 of an inch shorter and no hip joint, just fused bone.

So this girl sat me in a chair, stretched my legs out and started praying for my leg to grow out. Then she prayed for my hip, then prayed for leg again. We were in the middle of trying to see if there was a difference and having a hard time lining up my feet when Bill Johnson, seeing our struggle, asks me, "Your legs are different lengths?" and comes to the base of my outstretched legs and clicks my heels together. "This is how I tell" he says and starts to pray for my legs some more. Then prays more for my hip, telling me a story of how God gave a man he prayed for a complete new joint. Then he picks up my feet again and said "They're different" and continues to pray. At this point there is now a large crowd gathered around us, and my desire to remain inconspicuous on healing night just went out the door.

The whole time these people are praying, a battle is going on inside my head. A battle I never knew I'd have to fight. I was battling with the question, what if the Lord actually does heal me? What if my leg does grow out? I knew the Lord could do it, but was unprepared for the struggle it would be to actually let my injury go. This injury has been a part of me for 15 years. I've never known life without one leg shorter, its become part of my identity and I came face to face with the reality that I wasn't sure if I could let it go. You'd think I would want to be healed, isn't that the normal feeling? But really, I was downright terrified that my life could change in a moment. Everything that I was comfortable with and used to, could potentially disappear in a fraction of a second. To live this life of faith is complete surrender, and its crazy when the Lord brings you face to face with the things you thought would be easy to surrender.

So then he stands me up and asks me how it feels. How do you respond? All these people are standing around staring at you, waiting for a response. It's quite a lot of pressure! But I realized that my heal was touching the ground. Where I usually stand with my weight on my toe, I realized that my heel was hitting the ground. So I said, "My heel is touching the ground". To which he replied, "you couldn't do that before?" "No" I said tears streaming down my face. "Then all you can do is be thankful".

I left that night wondering what had just happened, wondering if something really did happen. I woke up the next morning with my leg hurting tremendously. It felt like it just gone through war! And the pain continued, all day, my back, my leg, it hurt worse than it had in years.

So that night, I was walking up to the front responding to something else, when Bill Johnson intercepted me again. "How's the hip?" And I told him, "It really hurts" So he prayed for it again and I felt movement in the leg and the pain went away. And he proceeded to kindly teach me things I need to be praying.

Just a random side note: I've heard Bill Johnson speak on numerous occasions, but never really met him. I think he has one of the kindest hearts I've ever met. When he says the Lord gave him compassion for the sick, I believe it, because I've been on the receiving end of that compassion.

When I got back to my seat later, I was expressing my frustration to my friend Kim. Knowing that the Lord had done something with my leg, but not 100% sure what. Knowing it had grown out, but not all the way, it was really hard to tell what happened for sure. I said the only way to really tell is if I was to measure my whole body. So she drags me to the side room and has me stand against the door, taping a piece of paper behind my head. She measured me on my short leg, and then measured me on my long leg. When I turned and looked the difference was only a quarter of an inch. I made her do it 3 times just to make sure, but the evidence clearly showed that my leg had grown out 1/2 inch.

One of my friends wanted to record my story, so here's a small video for those of you who tend to skim my long blogs :)