So Jonah...yep..I am Jonah.
I haven't totally processed this all out because you see I'm still sitting in the gross "stomacheness" of the whale. It's where I've been sitting for months. Character building, God shaping, God tweaking, lesson learning, painful, and difficult. A few words to describe the last several months of my life. Some would probably look at my life and wonder what I've been doing all this time and a part of me would have to agree with them..yeah not quite sure. Some would look at this whole year and half that I've lived in Redding and call it a waste of time, and wonder why I still want to be here. But I know there are many reasons for not leaving..yet...
I'm learning to defend the storms and whales that God brings in my life. I'm learning to recognize the significance of the amazing things God does in the middle of the storms...the way he draws close when you're huddled in the darkness of a whale. There are things He's preparing me for. He made me a passionate dream filled person, and he wants to see my ridiculous dreams fulfilled because he gave them to me in the first place. But first, he wants to make sure I can handle the things that are coming, to make sure my heart matches his, that my character is worthy and honorable. When I think about it that way how can I even think that the last year of my life has been a waste of time? It might be easy just to get mad at God for the suffering, or to turn around and continue to run away, not wanting to face the hard things that God is putting his finger on, or freeze in fear because all these new things I am learning might have repercussions and I realize there is no going back.
But from experience I can tell you...it's easier just to give in. To allow yourself to be drawn into His open waiting arms. To lay down in the darkness, open your hands, and allow the "stomachness" to overtake you. To let his comfort and his rest surround, and let your tears fall freely.
There is hope despite it all...to know that he is shaping my heart, shaping my character, shaping my strengths and weaknesses. To know that he is preparing me for the future, makes the painful here and now bearable and makes me realize how significant the here and now really is....
1 comment:
What a cool way to look at being stuck in the belly of a whale. I think that the God-shaping times in our lives can be so hard, but when we look back on them, they are so rewarding. I would have to say my entire time in Georgia was the belly time for me. I couldn't stand it, the stench was awful, the scenery was miserable. But looking back, I am so glad I was stuck in that belly, because I came out looking so different. Props to you for seeing that Sarah!
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