Why So Sensitive?

Seriously...this is a question I ask God every single day...."Why did you make me so flippin sensitive God?" Usually asked in utter frustration as tears are pouring down my cheeks. Because even on my very best days something will twist my heart and it will hurt.

While it's a question I often ask, it's a reality that I am only just beginning to embrace. I was not always comfortable with my tears, but for the most part am now. I just hate how uncomfortable they make others feel sometimes. God has gifted me with compassion and empathy, with the ability to feel other's pain like it's my own. He has made me a very passionate person with dreams, ideas, and feelings that I am constantly quenching out the stupid fear of being "too much". But those of you that truly know me have seen this side of me. The rants on my soapbox, the sentence run-ons as I process my ideas, my tears that shed over sharing about something going on inside of me.

While I know it's a gifting, it's also so frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could share in front of a large group the amazing things that the Lord is doing in my life, but so many times I hold back because I can't do it without crying and then it's hardly coherent. Sometimes I wish that I could not be offended or hurt when friends say or do something that is completely unintentional. Sometime I wish that I didn't take things so personally. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't pick up the hurt on the woman sitting next to me because let's face it, mine is sometimes hard enough to deal with. Sometimes I wish I didn't cry over the pain of those closest to me.

Even despite all my wishes and fears..I know the Lord is teaching me..

Over the last couple years the Lord has begun to show me that there's more strength than weakness in my sensitivity. For the longest time I thought that it was my greatest weakness. But there's been so much of it that he has redeemed, that he has healed, that he has begun to use for his purposes. He has begun to show me how it works in conjunction with my other gifts. That I can be proud of the fact that empathy is my top "strength" out of the five. I'm still trying to balance the passion and emotion he's given me. Learning to give it back to him because I know I'm not meant to carry it all the time. Learning to not let it control my days, my actions, and the things that I say. It's not always easy, but it's the journey that I'm on.

Although...it would be nice to NOT cry...for once.....