Those of you that know me..or at least hang out with me for even a short bit of time will know that i tend to get on my soap box about things. Its really more just getting super passionate about life, people and the world. I tend to get quite fired up..talking about injustice, gender violence, genocide, the Palestinian people, the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, women who don't have a voice.... Today's topic...being single and 25..touchy issue and one that I actually hate talking about...but lately I've gotten rather irritated about it and not for the reasons you may think.
So I have recently moved to a small town where the thing to do is get married and have children...out of high school, right out of college..doesn't matter the goal is to be a wife and mother. Now mind you I think that this is a great goal and dream, it just has never been mine, at least by the age of 25. By the age of 25 I saw myself fluent in a couple of languages, living somewhere random in the world, and working to save lives physically, spiritually, and emotionally. The thought of kids didn't even enter the picture..maybe having a husband..maybe..ok well no, not really. I wasn't about to give up my dreams and my calling in order to be someones wife...perhaps I was a bit goal oriented..but I'm young..I've got time. And while no, I'm not saving the world at the moment, I have done a lot of things in my short lifetime that I never saw coming..sure they were all on my list, but I never thought they'd be done by 25. Frankly, I'm amazed at where the Lord has taken me, its been quite a journey so far...a bit waylayed here in Redding I think...but everything else has been fun:)
And so that is why I tend to be a little bit sensitive when people ask me if I'm still in school, or if I go to Shasta. I mean, yes, I look young, but community college? I know they don't know me, but still...to be honest I get a bit offended. And so I wonder to myself...would I get the same reaction if I was married or had 2 kids...I'm inclined to say no. If I showed up to church with a baby in my arms I guarantee I'd probably have more people approach me thinking a)she's a single mom she needs our love b) where's your husband? you guys should come over for dinner some time or c) spoken to as an equal because after all I'm a mom and know things about life. But no, I don't have a child or a husband, and more often than not I am not approached at all, and if I am I'm spoken to like I'm a college student...or as a poor girl who can't manage to get herself married....outcast of society(perhaps this sounds a bit harsh but I gaurantee pretty much every single women who is my age or older has felt this way at some point in her single life)
Honestly, this a life I am very happy with at the moment. Its a life I've chosen and its a life God has given me. But I will say it sometimes is frustrating to know that the person who is talking down to me because I haven't secured myself a husband or a child has way less education and life experience than me. I will say though that there have a been a few select young mothers and married women in my lifetime that despite my obvious defect of being single and 25, have really made a huge effort to connect and get to know me...and I've appreciated it greatly
I think that every women should be able to pursue her dream...(another soapbox I'll get on later) If her dream is to be married, to be a mother, than by all means go for it. I do not see it as a lower dream than mine...its just a different dream...but perhaps not all that different really. I think most every woman has the nature in her to be a nurturer, some more than others. Do I have a dream to be a wife and mother?..of course...by the time I turn 30?...I probably wouldn't count on it..but who knows the Lord has surprised me thus far:)
Next topic..."the boys club"...single women in ministry...:)
4 comments:
Thanks for being honest about this! As a married person, I apologize for all of us that can sometimes treat others this way. I think we tend to treat those that are different from us as though they are not "complete" until they are more like us - whether that is through marriage, education, religion, or any other thing. But that does not make it right just because it is natural.
The truth is that it does take a lot of courage to pursue your dreams when they may not match up with other people's ideas of what you should dream. Keep it up though! It is not exactly the same, but it is interesting to see how some people think my wife is somehow not complete because she is staying at home right now with Natalie - and yet others find ot almost offensive that she wants to work again soon.
So anyway, I apologize on behalf of all of us married idiots who forget the value, freedom, and availability to God of being single. I think it is great that you have dreams and know what they are, and like you said, they are not more or less valuable, they are just different dreams. Keep dreaming!
Preach it sista!!! I know what you mean. Although I knew I wanted to be married young, having kids was not the next step for me! I had other dreams and goals I wanted to pursue first...and then 8 years later came the dream for growing our family! I'm really glad you are happy with your life...I'm happy for you! I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better! I can't wait to see how God is going to use us in the future. Oh, and Matt and I love hanging out with single people...so you'll never have to worry about feeling awkward with us!
This is the soap box that I know from you well, and I love it! Whenever I was in churches in the US I had the exact same reactions and feelings. Since I've been away it hasn't even crossed my mind that I'm single... weird.
In fact, now that I think about it, most people I'm in contact with here (in Europe and outside the typical church setting) would think it's abnormal to be married at 25 - it's so young!
ps. I'm glad to hear from you on my blog and I like reading yours now that I know them.... and once again, I'm jealous of another visit from beth :(
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